Oh, welcome to the second podcast. And I have to say I didn't plan on leaving it so long between the first and the second, and I'll get into why in a little bit. I do live in Brighton and I live in the bus on the, one of the most busiest streets it seems in Brighton today. So any background noise then I apologize for, but I had this real pull to do this podcast today after having so many conversations with men and women around intimacy and and communication.
in relationships and space and separation. So this podcast is going to be about grief and menopause. We are gonna dive deep into intimacy and what a para menopause, menopause midlife woman actually really, really desires in the bedroom and of. What she doesn't want. And also we are going to be looking into this space and the separation that a perimenopause menopause woman really, really craves and why she will kind of make it not available to her.
So I'm all about diving deep, and getting juicy. If you don't know, I'm a pelvic floor and core specialist. I am an intimacy coach, really helping women to. Find their sensuality and feel juicy again. I am a conscious relationship mentor, a menopause doula, perimenopause doula, so helping women go through Perimenopause in the most calm, healthiest way that is possible.
And I'm also a hypnotherapist. In particular I help couples. I love doing couple hypnotherapy where we go back to things that. Reasons that are affecting their relationships. So understanding what triggers us and finding where that comes from so that we can live happily together and understand each other's needs as a couple, because we may be parents.
We may be partners we may run a business or be in full-time work. We are also individuals as well. And obviously when you marry somebody or when you live with somebody, when you have a relationship with somebody, you have a relationship with their past life and their childhood. So we all. Things in our life that we haven't processed yet.
And that will come up in our relationship time and time and time again. So the wonderful thing that I do with the couple hypnotherapy is to just make living together so much easier, and isn't that what we want at the end of the day? You know, we work hard for these cars and these holidays actually deep down, we wanna feel.
Connected to our partner. We wanna have amazing intimacy into me. I see into you. I see. You know, that is what we really, really crave. And in menopause, we actually crave. Different things to what we craved in our twenties and early thirties. Funny that right? So I just wanna share that the fact that the reason that there's been such a gap in this podcast is that sadly Rather quickly.
My father passed away on 25th of July this year, so 2022. And yeah, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. I honestly believe that if I hadn't had a morning routine, my morning exercise routine of 15 minutes every single morning really? Save me. Getting up, getting out of bed, doing my exercise and journaling or having some time to myself really, really helped me.
Something that I have done every single day for, gosh, around four years now. Is get up every single weekday is get up and exercise before I do anything else. The grieving along with the menopause, has been probably the most testing time of my entire life. And you know, not knowing whether. I was grieving or not knowing whether it was menopause.
Oh my gosh, I've been googling so much stuff. So much stuff like a D H D and menopause. I've been looking, you know, bipolar because one minute I was flat and the next minute I was high again. I was googling h r T again, even though I know for me it doesn't, doesn't work. I'm happy to discuss my reasons why in another podcast, if you'd like to know why, or maybe just send me a message and we can have a conversation.
I thought I have depression and you know, I think, you know, I definitely went to a dark space, but I was able to honor my needs and like I said, making sure that I did morning exercise for 15 minutes every single day has really, really helped me. And I run my morning exercise for 15 minutes. It's called a sculpt with Emma.
And it's a combination of Pilates, yoga, strength training, body weight, cardio, you know, everything that we need. It's 15 minutes. So it is perfect for when you are exhausted, but you know that your body needs to to move because movement is an act of self-love. So moving on to the grief and you know what happened, grieving.
And so many people said, well, you know, of course you're gonna feel this way. Of course you are grieving your, you know, your dad has just passed away. But it's, it's really interesting what comes up grief, what comes up. Grief in menopause. And of course I was grieving because of the, the loss of my dad, but also I was grieving grieving so much came up, grieving for.
Oh gosh, where do I start? I'm trying to find my, my post now about what I was grieving for because I wrote a post on Instagram on my, the underscore Emma, forward exactly why I was grieving. Okay, right. I found it. Okay. So this year I went to my darkest place ever. I felt grief flight, never before. And I've given myself time to heal from a broken heart, not just because of my dad passing, but grief for the years.
I abused my body, grief for the times. I woke up and got on the scales, making notes and journals to myself that today I need to eat, you know, just 500 calories to make sure that I'm at my lowest body weight for the Christmas party or the holiday. Grief for the years, I really did abuse my body with alcohol and with stupid diets and battling with my body, exercising harder.
When my body didn't respond, when my body wasn't looking as it wanted, I wanted it to look, I would battle with my body. You know, signing up to things that would punish my body because I thought the harder I, I did something, the harder I went, the more punishment I gave my body, the more that my body would respond.
Like, how sad is that when actually I've proven that it's the other way round. The more that we love and respect and nurture and nourish and honor our bodies, the more that it responds. Grief for the times I had sex when I wasn't a full-bodied. Yes. And I'll be talking about that more about knowing if you're a woman listening to this about knowing when you are a full-bodied.
Yes. And, and if you are a man listening to this, how to understand when your partner is a full-bodied Yes. I was grieving for the times that I rejected myself because I didn't wanna tell my partner that I wasn't ready or that I didn't want something and went along with it, whether that be sex or whether that be abandoning my needs because people pleasing, right?
As women. We often people please when actually we've done things and we're like, really didn't wanna do that. And I know for myself that that made me really angry. So the menopause got blamed and para menopause and hormones can be blamed for our anger. You know, our periods can be blamed for our anger, whereas actually, Anger was frustration with myself because I abandoned what I needed, what I wanted to make sure that the rest of the house and that everybody in the family was, was happy.
I would rather disappoint myself than disappoint other people. Like, let me know if you are a woman and listening to this. And resonating. And then I would get angry, you know, and my partner would say, what's wrong with you now? Because, you know, he'd probably asked me if I wanted to do this or if I was okay to do this.
Or, you know, he probably thinks that if I'm uncomfortable having sex, that I'm gonna tell him. Right? And I didn't. So then I would get angry with myself, frustrated with myself, and that's what brought, you know, that's where the temper, that's where the frustration, that's where, you know that anger within me.
And I would take that anger out on other people, particularly my little. . So back to the grief. Grief are the times I faked it. Like I faked so many orgasms to either get it over and done with or to make the man feel good again, because I didn't want the man to feel disappointed. I didn't want the man to feel rejection, so I would rather fake it than have those difficult conversations with my, my partners.
About how the, you know, the sex wasn't really doing it for me. So grief for the time I let other people down as well. Grief for the shame. I caused my family grief for the shame, like I was carrying grief for how I had really upset. People in my life how I'd been a complete bitch. All this came up in, in processing my father's death, believe it or not, grief for the time that people had let me down.
Grief for the bullying, the bullies, grief for. How I had allowed people to walk all over me grief for the times that I had tried to kind of, not people please and set boundaries, but how I'd gone about it the wrong way and. Grief for kind of like, not un you know, not understanding. And the communication that I teach now, like I've only learnt this stuff the past four years, and I'm a 45, nearly 46 year old woman that was never taught how to communicate properly with people like grief that I didn't see the importance of.
hiring a parenting coach, like since I hired my parenting coach. Who's keeping keeping your cool parenting? Camilla, like, why don't we hire coaches? Why don't you know, why, why didn't I do this to make my life easier grief for the times that I have been angry at my son? Whereas, like I said, actually the anger was at myself.
The frustration was at myself. The frustration was at. Partner grief for the times that I've said I'm fine when I'm really haven't been fine, but I didn't wanna rock the boat and because previously I've rocked the boat, but it didn't come across right and I got met with silent treatment or anger from him, or a heated discussion, you know.
Found that so, so difficult, and that relates back to my childhood when, you know, if you said your needs in my house whether you be, you know, whether you were the child or the adult, you know, it was either met with anger, frustration, or the silent treatment because you know, my dear parents hadn't done the inner work either.
So grief. For the years that I hadn't done the inner work like so much grief came up, grief for how I set myself back through fear of not being liked, you know, grief for not stepping into my power. Grief for holding myself back so, so many years. Grief for my suicide attempt grief. Grief for my birth of my child that actually left me and his dad traumatized.
Yet we didn't see, you know, going into the birth trauma as, as something that would, would support us. Grief for not doing that until recently. Wow. And my boy is now 11 years old. Grief for not really, really being ready for being a mom. Grief for failed relationships, grief for not seeing my beauty. I had bulimia, anorexia bodied, dysmorphia.
Wow. There was so much. That I held onto. And lovely. Kate Codrington, who is the author of the book, second Spring, you know, the Self Care, she's a self care guide to menopause. She calls the, the grief stage of menopause, the separation. And it really, really is, it's a time that we go into this separation and needing this, this space, and this time to grieve.
So yes, I would have been grieving for the loss of my dad, but just listing some of that there's been real deep grief and menopause, the separation. Period of menopause is a time, it's, it's one of the hardest times because it's a time where things come up and it's like shining a a torch at, at the past and, and shining a torch of everything in your life that isn't working for you and everything in your life up to now that you have.
Carried around with you in a, a backpack, an invisible backpack. And you've carried it around every single day. And more and more stuff goes into that backpack and you think that carrying it around with you and not opening up the backpack, just keep carrying it around with you, carrying around with.
Keeps, you know, your, your stuff really safe because it's with you all the time. And you know, no one's gonna, you know, you're not gonna let, you're not gonna open up this, this backpack because it's like opening up a can of worms. So you keep carrying this backpack and holding this backpack. So, so, so gripped and tight because you just do not want to, to let anybody know about this stuff or open up this kind of worms and actually It actually drains our energy.
This backpack drains our energy. It starts off with being like a tiny backpack and before we know it, it's a backpack full, absolutely full. You know the kind of backpack you would take traveling around the world. It's got everything in it. And the separation phase. Can be so, so uncomfortable because it's a clearing out of the backpack.
It really is. And we think that by not opening the can of worms, by not opening the backpack, that we aren't keeping ourselves safe. Whereas actually carrying a heavy backpack dulls our energy, right? It is hard to carry a heavy backpack around with us all the time. So the backpack gets heavier and heavier and heavier, and this is what drains us.
But not many people, particularly busy women are feel that they can open this backpack, can open this can of worms. And actually it's only when we shed light. To the backpack that actually we feel more energized and lighter and more free and more calm and more inner peace and you know, less fearful of our anger and our resentment.
It's only when we can open the backpack that we can really start to set those boundaries and stop people pleasing and make life so much more. Easy and so much more self love and, and pleasure because this backpack is so heavy. It is really dulling our pleasure and we pick it up every single day and we carry it around with us.
So the separation phase along, you know, with, with the grief recently has been. Wow. One of the hardest parts of my life and one of the best at the same time. I'm coming out of it now celebrating everything that I have worked through. But for a busy wo women separation phase is so, so, so difficult because separation is a time, it's, it's the word.
It's a time where we wanna separate from our families, we want space from our families, and as women. This feels weird, right? Because every other woman on the school run is seems like she's doing it right. Seems like she's in control. Seems like she is, you know, doing absolutely everything. She's ticking off her, her journal.
She's tick ticking off her to-do list and she's actually. , you know, bossing it at life, right? She is superwoman and there you are on the school run thinking, oh my God, I wanna absolutely disappear from my family. I want to so if you are listening to this as a man, I'm telling you now what your woman is feeling.
And if you are listening to this as a woman, like I'm sure you are nodding your head right. You wanna, as much as you love your family, you want to disappear. You basically wanna do a Shirley Valentine probably without the love affair. You just literally want to be alone and this anger that you feel, which you are blaming on your hormones.
Is actually anger because you need space. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Okay? So the frustration, the resentment, the anger that you are feeling is actually your body's way of sending you a message that you need to have space. That you need to do less, that you need to separate yourself, and it's not forever.
It's for little bits. You just need to notice when you need to separate yourself. And we feel that this isn't available to us because if we don't do it as women, then it doesn't get done. So I'm gonna share a few kind of stories with you about how I've done it, how I've separated myself as. Mom living on her own with a partner that lives three and a half hours away.
And I did a lot of my separation also in lockdown when I was probably my busiest yet, and I was on my own with my child. So it is available. I'm gonna show, share with you what I kind of like teach my clients and also share what Kate wrote in her book about separation as well. So most of us fear separation because we fear that we are letting.
Everybody down. Most women fear separation because again, we see everybody else being able to do it and we see it as a bad thing. Like if we are a good mom, we should want to be with our children all the time. We should want to, you know, help our children all the time. But as much as we are women as much as we are moms and partners and people at work and keep the house going, we are also women.
And that goes for you as well. Men, if you are listening to this, we aren't just parents. You know, our partnership with our partner is part of us. Part of us is being a parent, but we are also individuals as well, and we have needs. And what happens when women become mothers is often we breastfeed, we bring our children up.
We, you know, we are these wonder women. and you know, then we often go back to work to help pay the bills. Or maybe because, you know, we have been to university and we wanna continue our career. And that is all amazing and we can have everything, but it's like we are stealing little pockets of time, like tiny little pockets of time.
And actually, We feel smothered, we feel claustrophobic. We feel like everybody needs us all the time and we keep adding to our do list all the time. Now, my boy's dad used to say to me, You need to rest more. You're always busy. You're gonna like have a nervous breakdown if you carry on. And boy, I felt like in this grief, separation, menopause time that I've been in, that I was having a burnout, nervous breakdown.
And like I said, it's because I literally was trying to be. Perfect. Giving everything to everybody else, trying to keep up with everything, trying to be the best mother, and I felt smothered. I felt like I had no time for myself, stealing tiny, tiny pockets of time here and there, and I remember. You know on a Saturday morning I used to run off to teach gym classes and then go to the gym and I would rush back as soon as I could to make sure that everything was okay at home because I'd been gone two hours and, you know I felt like I should be at home because it was a Saturday and we needed to be together as a family.
Like, does this resonate? And you know, the separation phase for a woman is actually needing to say, I can't do this. And that is so, so hard because we feel a loss, we feel, or I felt a loss. I felt my not good enough come back up again. And I've done a lot of hypnotherapy around not feeling good enough, which always goes back to circumstances from your, from your childhood.
And that's not necessarily, I don't think any of the, I'm not. For hypnotherapy scenes that I went back to, my parents were there in those scenes. It was teachers. It was things that happened to me outside of my home. So you don't have to have had a bad childhood to, you know, have your emotional needs not met.
So, you know, I'm not good enough, came up massively. I'm not good enough, mom. I can't cope what's wrong with me. And coming out the other end of this grief separation phase, I realized that, you know, Kate was totally right. It was simply a phase where I needed to. Separate. So how do you do that? Kate wrote in her book that she was doing the washing up, I think, or cooking the tea one time and oh, I've got the page here.
Actually it's on page 120 of her book. And she said, I remember one night when I was desperately trying to marshal my children to the dinner table to eat the food. I had resent, resentfully made and didn't want to eat. I realized I was about to lose. And for once I caught myself, aha, she says hello, separation, knowing that the medicine for separation is to have space to myself to withdraw.
So I disappeared and I left them to it. A small domestic incident for sure, but isn't that what life is made up of? A series of small incidents. She says that separation is the longest phase of menopause and arguably the hardest. Yep. The following. And then it goes on about her book. So, you know, stealing those pockets of time and, and Kate's book really helped me because I, was it washing up with my partner the other day?
He doesn't live with me, lives quite way away. He was only down for two nights. We'd cook dinner together, we were doing homework. He was helping me with the homework because I really struggl. With my boy's maths homework. I can't do it. Can't do the English either. And he was helping me and I was washing up and I had this kind of like just this, ah, I don't wanna be here right now.
This is like, I don't wanna be washing up. I don't wanna be in the kitchen. I don't wanna be doing the homework. And I've been fine two minutes before and version 1.0 of me would've seen. Bad. I would've carried on. Maybe I would've even started kind of throwing the stuff into the, the bowl and slamming the cupboards and, no, I'm fine.
I would've said, and I wouldn't have been fine. And because I said I was fine, my partner wouldn't have known what the hell to do. And he would've think, ah, moody, you know, and this is where we see this kind of menopause. And as bad as like, oh my God, you know, everybody walking on eggshells. You know? And I actually remember my mom doing this and work walking on eggshells and thinking, oh my God, we've got to keep mom happy and not knowing what the hell I had done to make her kind of all of a sudden.
Flick a switch. She was fine a minute ago. Now what's wrong? And I don't know where this need for separation came, we would, we'd just had this lovely meal Sunday roast together. I'd really enjoyed cooking it with my partner and then boom, it just kind of came. Out of nowhere and I noticed it and I was able to label it as separation.
You, you don't wanna be here, you wanna get out of here. But what about the washing up? Like we can leave the washing up, like the bowl of water can still be there and you can separate yourself. Right? So I, I. Honored my needs and my partner could see it. He could sense, sense it, and I shared with him what I needed and I was like, no, no, no, it's fine.
He said, go upstairs and meditate, Emma. Go upstairs and do whatever you need to do. Whatever the meditation is. Cuz by the way, I don't always meditate. When I meditate. It's just a word that I use for separation, I suppose in my house. I, I need to go, I need to breathe. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.
I'm fine. And anyway, my partner insisted that I went upstairs and I went upstairs and I punched the pillows. I cried into the pillow for no reason. I don't even know why. I was just angry. I was angry that I was being a mom. I didn't wanna be a mom. I didn't wanna all be washing up. I didn't wanna do the blinking homework.
I didn't wanna do it. So I suppose what I wanted was to have a toddler, three year old temper tantrum. And you know what? In the past I probably would've had one of those, which would've been, come out in me, like slamming the cupboards and saying I'm fine through fear of actually saying what I needed, because I didn't wanna let my boy and my partner down.
Wow. Another point that the separation has come up with me is my partner, like I said, doesn't come down that often and I was really, really tired. Like it was the middle of the day, four on a Sunday afternoon, he'd come down for, again, just two nights and I had to tell him that I was exhaust. And I love him the way that we communicate.
He could see this and he actually put me to bed. He wasn't thinking, well, I've only come down for a couple of days. You gonna go to bed? Like, well, what about me? And this is like the emotion, emotion, mature relationship, the most mature, intimate relationship I've ever had. Emotional maturity. , whereas some people would've been all about themselves.
Well, I've only come down for a couple of days like, well, what about me? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But he could see what I needed and he was able to hold that for me. And this is where the masculine and the feminine energy in our relationship really come out to play. And we dance with each other. Rather than battle with each other.
Right. And this is so, so sexy, , right? He could hold me, right? He held me and he looked after me and he put me to bed and he nurtured and he nourished me. And that is what makes a pussy per right. So years ago, version 1.0 of me, if I'd gone and Saw my partner and you know, he just wanted to sleep. I would've got into a mood.
And you know, this is where the communication needs to come, isn't it? Like our needs, we all have needs. And yeah, so another time I, my partner said, I'm gonna come down in a couple of days time. Are you okay with that? And I was able to say, actually, no. I need space. Wow. , would you say that, would you fear their reaction?
Would you fear their rejection? , would you fear hurting them? Would you fear walking on eggshells? Would you fear that making them angry and argument conflict, the silent treatment? And obviously it's the way that you word it. And it's wording it in a way. . I love that you make the effort to come and see me.
You know, I love that you are always wanting to support me. You know what you can at, you know, the support that I need at the moment is actually space and separation. Can you honor that for me? Wow. Wow. You know? And when we can have these grown up conversations. So that's a little bit about space and separation and grief in menopause.
Let me know if this resonates. If you are a woman listening and you are like, wow, yeah, actually. Or like we were in November 22nd, 2022. At the minute, if you're actually thinking, yeah, all I want for Christmas is a break, all I want for Christmas is space. If you are noticing, actually, yeah, I'm getting angry and I'm saying I'm fine and actually I've got so much on my plate, I'm not fine.
And actually could I take that little five to 10 minutes of separation? Is that available to me? And maybe you are a guy listening to this thinking. Wow. Yeah, she does get angry. All of a flip of a switch all of a sudden. And we're blaming these menopause things. I wonder if it's actually, she just needs to take her time off, take time out.
And actually she would love me to be more masculine and, and, you know, in that masculine energy like, And support her, like you being the king and she being the queen, and, and dancing with each other in the relationship instead of battling. Well, let me know. Do you battle with who's the most tiredest?
Who's the most busy? Who's doing the most? You know? Is it a battle instead of a dance with the masculine and the feminine energy in your relat? So I was on a walk yesterday, so coming back to intimacy now, coming into the, the intimacy that a midlife woman really needs. I was on a walk the other day and we were talking, I was on a walk with a few clients and we were talking, you know, about.
How we actually don't like to get changed in front of our partner to go to bed because they basically see it. Mm. Boobs are out. Mm. You know, or bombs out and you know, you look at us and you find our bodies absolute, an absolute turn on. Like obviously why wouldn't you? And you know, something stir down below.
And actually when men tend to get an erection, . They want something. And the thing is, all day, as a woman, somebody has wanted something from us , whether that be the kid, whether that be, you know, through work, emails. Oh my God, school emails don't even get me there. Like somebody has wanted something and here we go now climbing into bed, absolutely exhausted and.
Somebody else wants something . Can you imagine like we literally feel smothered most of the day, like taking off this to-do list of what to do next. And actually intimacy feels like. Another chore, another chore, another thing to do to make somebody else happy. And it's a big truck going past if you can hear it, you know, and this was a conversation we had on our walk.
Intimacy shouldn't be about. Making our man happy. Like it should be about two people being intimate with each other. And you know, they, they said, oh God, I'd rather have a cup of icks and a good book. And I thought, yeah, I get that. But also, what a shame. You know, God gave us 8,000 nerve endings for a reason.
and the female body loves pleasure. So how do we get this intimacy back and How, you know, how do we get it back when we are exhausted? Well, if you are a man, listening to this, supporting your woman is the number one thing. Allowing her and actually telling her, guiding her to actually have these, this separation, allowing her, it might feel really, really weird because your partner.
Always done everything. She's always done the shopping, she's always done the Christmas stuff, she's always done the parties, the kids parties. She's always done X, Y, Z, the social calendar, the cooking, whatever. And then all of a sudden she's unable to do it and she feels lost. And she may feel a sense of control as well that by asking you to do it, she is.
Not enough. She's not good enough. She's not being a good enough mom, wife, whatever. She's, she's not able to do it. And she also might have a sense of control that she doesn't want somebody else to do it through Exactly that. A fear of that. She's not coping, she's not good enough. So you need to kind of help her.
Because in this day and age, you know, women are, are these super women, you know, we've got this power strong. I can do anything a man can do in bleeding. Whereas actually we are so depleted on energy and I believe we are losing our power. Not gaining it. We, every woman that comes to me is just absolutely exhausted.
So if you are a man listening to this and you want more intimacy with your partner, then start taking over. Start saying to her not, I can see that you are not coping. Or you know, I can see that you are struggling with menopause. , I can see how hard you are finding it at the minute. Instead, literally say, oh, I can see that I can see what you've done to support the family.
How can I support you? Or, I'm gonna bring the shopping home tonight. I'm gonna cook D tea. I'm gonna bring the shopping home. I'm gonna cook and I really want you to rest cuz I really think that that's what you need. Like, tell me if you are a woman listening to this, that's pussy hasn't just opened up with like, it should be Puring.
And if it's not Puring and you are like, yes Emma, that would be great, but that's never gonna happen. Then I invite you to send this podcast to your partner and not demand that he listen to it. Literally ask him to listen to it and say, I've noticed that, you know, we are not intimate with each other. I've noticed that we seem to be battling.
Battling with each other at the minute. You know, I've noticed this and I know that my hormones are all over the place. There's this amazing podcast and I think that I'd really like you, invite you to listen to it. Okay. Because I've changed. So many women's lives that were just like you, who thought it wasn't available to them.
And maybe you are a man listening, thinking, I would love to do more for my wife, but she's such a control freak. She won't let me . And that is what I teach my clients to have those really uncomfortable. Conversations. But the way that I use, you know, language and communication is really, really important.
And we haven't been taught this at school, which is often why we try and communicate our needs and have those conversations and they literally go nowhere. Okay, so I wrote this a while ago and it actually a client came to me and said, I have read it. And the first thing that happened was, that's not available to me.
I can't do that. My partner wouldn't ever do that. And because the Post actually said, can you read it again and imagine that that is happening and see what happens to your pussy? And the lady contacted me to say that she did, and she said she felt this. She felt horny just. Reading it. She felt like, yes,
So for a woman to want intimacy with a man, it's very different in midlife to how we were. When we were, you know, late teens and early twenties when we, you know, were trying all these sexual positions and we wanted to try stuff out. And then in our thirties it's often about making babies. So we feel more horny because we wanna make babies.
And then boom, midlife happens and we are drying out rapidly and we are exhausted. And Yeah, so it is we have very different needs. Midlife women have very different needs to women in their late teens early, mid and late twenties. So I'm just gonna wrote what I wrote. I'm just gonna read what I wrote out, out as women, we serve, we serve the kids, the house you know, work our.
And I just want you to sit with this a moment. How would it feel to allow your man to serve you? Like I'm already turned on already? How would it feel for your man to serve you? Because when my partner says there's gonna be a shop delivery at nine o'clock, I've brought you a, a food shop. First off, I used to feel controlled, like he's controlling me.
He thinks I can't cope. Does he, does he think I can't do it or something. That's what first came up. And then when I read about, you know, the masculine and the feminine energies, I actually realized he was. My king, right? And wow, I've never had a partnership like this before. And wow, I like it. Bring it on.
So how would it feel if your man came home with the shopping? How would it feel if your man messaged you and said, I'm cooking tea tonight. And I'm gonna wash up and I'm gonna put the kids to bed because I know that you are in your bleed, having your bleed or coming up to your bleed, or I've noticed that you are tired because of your menopause, and I really want to support you.
Oh my God, again. I feel like my pussy has just opened . Okay. Much better. Much more opened than if my partner would have a stiffy on the morning and go, do you fancy a bit. Okay. For a woman to feel sexual, it starts from the moment that we wake up with how we are treated and supported. Click your fingers if you are like yes to this.
Like intimacy for a woman is how intimate you are with the woman. All day. How you support the woman, how you hug the woman, how you say to the woman how amazing she looks. We love to, to know how great we look. We love that cuddle. We love that handholding, that hand, squeezing that, you know, that, that touching, that we love being acknowledged.
And validated about how gorgeous we are. We just do, right? So notice when we've washed our hair. Notice not in, oh, you look better, you've washed your hair. But notice in a, I love your hair like that. I love the way it falls like that. Love that lipstick color on you. Oh, that color really suits you. You look really hot today.
We love it. And it starts from the minute we wake up. Us picking up your dirty laundry, us clearing up your breakfast, us, you know, being constantly asked, where's this, where's that? That closes our kisses. Literally what opens us to ready to receive. What helps us feel more relaxed is the man taking care of.
Us. So if you are single, I was single, right? I split out with my boy's dad in 2019, and I knew that I wanted a man to look after me in. Like this. Yeah. And this is why me and my partner have amazing intimacy, right? Because I wanted a man to support me. Even though when he started to support me, like I said, I was like, he's trying to control me.
Stop controlling me. I can do it. You know, I'm fine, right? Because I had this independent, strong woman, which I am by the way, ingrained and you know, not to take a help, you know, from a. So how would it feel if your man said, you know, I've noticed that you are doing so much, you must be exhausted. I know I would be if I was doing as much as you like.
That is you feeling. Seen. Right. And then also saying thank you. Thank you for, you know, you feel, thank you for being seen that they are noticing all the work that you are doing. Pussy cap. So I want you to go to bed early tonight. I'm gonna do the washing up and I'm gonna put the kids to bed. And I'm gonna make sure that you know, you might even say then, well, the bed needs changing.
I know I said that the bed covers aren't clean. blocking myself from pleasure. Okay. And so many, many women do this. So say, do you know what I'm gonna put unclean bedding for you. And I want you to go upstairs and I want you to put your phone down and I want you to literally just, just meditate. Just do whatever you need to do.
And I'm gonna come in and I've really noticed that we are not intimate with each other. And you know, I wanna take penetration out of our, out of our love making because sex isn. Penetration for a woman, and I understand that. Wow, who's listening to this going, I love this man. , bring him to me now. So I wanna take penetration out.
But I do feel that I want to be intimate with you. So how would it feel if I came to bed after I've put the kids to bed and I came to bed and we cuddled? And I literally feather stoked your beautiful body to help you feel relaxed and calm. And if you would allow, I'd really like to just hold your pussy or yawny or vagina or whatever you wanna call it in my hand.
It can be through your pants, but I just wanna hold. I'm not gonna stick anything in there. Like if you think about what women's bodies have been through, we have been prodded and bashed and banged and you know, things stuck up us. All our life. And to have a man say, I just want to hold this intimate part of you, not for penetration, not for for me, not for my for my needs, but literally to feel you.
No penetration. I just wanna feel it and see its beauty and I want to whisper to it. How beautiful it is, and I wanna whisper to you how beautiful you are. Oh, how does that feel, ladies? And how does that feel Men like, have you ever taken that time to. For sex, for intimacy to not be about penetration. And this is really, really, I feel really, really important with women in menopause.
We feel drier, , we feel exhausted, and often, you know, everything is so, so, so, so rushed. So, Can we literally, how would it be if every night or every other night you got intimate with each other without it being about the man's need for penetration? I actually asked a client the other day and I said, when do you know when the sex is finished?
I asked a couple of male friends as well, and they said, well, when the man has come, so can we have intimacy not about the man. And you know, if you think about, I was talking to my clients about how they feel about how their pussy look, looks and feels. And, you know, mine cracked. It got so dry like, and, and I felt like, oh my God.
Everything's been taken away from me in menopause. Even. My pleasure. I'm struggling to have pleasure, so taken away the need, you know, for for it, you know, for. It to be wet, taken away the need for EV of anything needing to go inside it and literally looking at it and saying how beautiful it is, speaking to it like a.
Goddess, like looking at it, your man looking and treating it like an absolute goddess and us women looking and treating it like a goddess. And one of the sayings that I say is, if only young girls knew, , how beautiful their entire bodies were. If only young girls used their, you know, were shown that their body is a temple.
And we nourished and nurtured it and respected it. Respected it like a temple and I y y, our pussy being the entrance to that temple, the goddess. I wonder how many. Men and how many things we would've said no to entering our temple, our goddess, because we weren't a full bodied. Yes. And I'll share a little intimate story about when my partner was just said, just looked at my, not just, he looked at my pussy and said how beautifully it was.
There wasn't any touching. Nothing. He was just, I allowed him to see it and it was such a vulnerable, more vulnerable, more intimate than actual intercourse. Penetration and how he saw my proceed. And he just simply whispered to it how beautiful it was, how amazing it was, how special he felt, being able to make love to it.
And you know what he said? I've just literally seen it open. Open like a Rose Pet opening. Wow. Wow. So taking the penetration, taking the sex out of intimacy, and that's why I call myself the intimate intimacy coach and. I work really with women to help them rediscover their bodies, how to nurture and nourish themselves, how to be intimate with themselves, and this involves helping them.
To understand, you know, the separation phases of menopause. Helping them understand their female cycle, helping them understand how to step into their queen energy. It's not all about . Their. It's about boundaries and, and people pleasing and communication so that we can really be intimate and understand our needs.
Intimacy into me. I see into you. I see. That was rather a lot longer than I anticipated. Please, please, please do drop me a DM on Instagram at the unders underscore Emma forward or putting the men into menopause. And please, please do share this with your partners and work colleagues and school moms.
Let's make midlife all about helping men and women live together conscious relationships and having. You see, you see intimacy together.
Thanks for listening.
